Brendan Schmidt is a coach to men and couples. He is the creator of the Masculine Revival Instagram page where he talks in depth on different topics surrounding all things masculine, feminine and the dynamics of relationship. Brendan also facilitates men’s groups and believes men’s groups are “a place for a man to explore his masculinity, face himself and his fears, develop bonds through brotherhood, and be held accountable to becoming the type of man that he wants to be.” He joins Angela to discuss what led him to become a leader in the men’s movement, the cultural divide between men and women, how men can change their relationships, and his belief that restoration and redemption is possible.


Angela (00:00):
Hi,Brendan. Hi, happy to be here. Yeah. I’m so happy that you’re here. Can you tell us a little bit about your work and what you’re, what you’re doing in the world?

Brendan (00:09):
Yeah, so my work is, uh, in the name it’s about reviving masculinity and men one. And then it’s also about exploring and repairing the relationships between the masculine and the feminine. So men and women, uh, that’s in a nutshell, that’s really what I’m doing.

Angela (00:28):
I’m so glad that you’re in this space. What, what do you think was an influence for you getting here?

Brendan (00:39):
Yeah, I think the, one of the big ones that I always say was growing up without a father, I didn’t meet my father until I was 16 years old. And I think getting into the age of, you know, 19-20, I started to realize that I had no idea what it meant to be a man. So that really started a self discovery process around the concept of masculinity and what it meant to be a man. That was a definitely a big driver for me. I felt like I didn’t really do it out of choice. It was more out of necessity.

Angela (01:12):
So many men, they don’t necessarily go for becoming a mature better man and researching. And

Brendan (01:20):
I think with, with the father wound, with father absence, it can go one of two ways. You either are going to go off the rails in life, end up in jail, drug addicted, abusive, sort of out of control reckless behavior because that pain is such a powerful driver or you dig deep and you, and you say, you know, I’m going to figure this out and I’m not going to repeat the same path that my father went down by neglecting the responsibility and duty of being a man. So I thankfully chose the latter. Uh, even though I had moments where I felt like I might’ve gone the other way.

Angela (01:56):
So what were some of your earlier influences? Was there anything that, that led you kind of down this path,

Brendan (02:04):
To which, to which part,

Angela (02:06):
You know, your research into what it means to be a man? Did you come across something that like really inspired you or has it just been a slow kind of chipping away?

Brendan (02:16):
Uh, it’s been, uh, it’s been a process with a lot of twists and turns for sure. So there is, I think there was many distinct phases and stages that I went through. So when I was 19, I was really into new age spirituality. And part of what my interest was at that point was about, I think I was kind of in the new age, like flow boy kind of archetype. And I thought that the way that I was embodying masculinity at that time was the answer that all men needed, which was really balancing the masculine and feminine, bringing the, bringing the emotional life online. And I think there’s some truth in that, but I think I would, I was also taking it to quite some extremes at that time, in terms of results, like how it was actually manifesting in the world. I was just not centered. I wasn’t grounded. I wasn’t commanding respect from other men. And I was struggling in my relationships with women as well. So it wasn’t really working for me

Angela (03:16):
From there. Once you kind of had that revelation, that this is kind of like Goldilocks, sometimes she like try something and that was a little too cool. And then you try something that’s a little too hot and eventually you get to the point where you feel like, yes, this is me. So after you felt like that wasn’t quite enough or necessarily the right direction, where did you turn from there?

Brendan (03:36):
Uh, so from there, well, I started to get my feet on the ground. Really. I started to just focus on, on grounding and there was a period of time where I was very much rejecting. I was very like anti, anti everything, anti working anti… I didn’t want to do anything that wasn’t really meaningful and deep. And then I kind of just had to humble myself and be like, you know what, you’re a young man. You’ve got to get a job, get your feet on the ground, take some time and figure, figure your stuff out here. So the next sort of major step for me was joining a men’s group. So I was a part of something called the samurai brotherhood for three years. And really I joined reaching a point of just being just really tired of trying to figure it all out on my own, knowing that I was in need of some sort of healing or awakening, but just not having ever created on my own, despite many years of effort and trying..

Angela (04:38):
I tell my kids, I have a 22 year old, a 19 year old and a 16 year old. And I tell them if you can embrace humility and discipline at this age in your life, there’s really nothing you can’t achieve. And when you took that step of, okay, I can’t be anti everything, I’m going to have to work and I’m going to have to like surrender to someone else like the brotherhood and learn and, and receive. And I think that’s just so powerful. And I see so many men getting caught in really resisting that humility to put themselves under someone else’s influence for a season can apprentice, or that is such a powerful move because that will vault you over, that will get you where you need to be. Um,

Brendan (05:20):
Yeah. And as a, as a young man, you often feel really rebellious against that truth. I tried everything in my power to do it my own way. Um, like I, from a young age, I always wanted to do something similar to what I’m doing now, but I wanted to skip all the steps in between and just get to that, that destination. So I would not work. And then there was a period of time where I was homeless and I was living in my car and I lived at the airport and I was like, just all over the place trying to make it work. Cause I was in such rejection of just doing things that every other man was doing.

Angela (05:56):
Yeah. That the discipline piece, when you decide that you just have to work for awhile and put in the work and someone compared it to me the other day to, like, uh, you’re beating the wall with a hammer. Eventually you’re going to break through, it might take you a long time that you’re chipping away. And so that humility with the, the willingness to work and take those next steps is really powerful combination. Absolutely. Yeah. I quote from the Psalms and Proverbs a lot. And one verse that that made me think of was humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and he will lift you up. And a lot of the times when I see that the Lord, I think about the Lord of the earth and I think that’s what men are kind of called to, to become these strong men on the earth that people can look to for guidance and leadership. And, and I think when you can humble yourself to men, who’ve paid that price in turn, they will lift you up once you’ve learned your lessons and you know, they will help you up to get to where they are.

Brendan (07:01):
Yeah. And that that’s really, uh, that’s really what I found in the, in the brotherhood that I joined. And that was a major missing piece for me because earlier on in my life, I primarily had my friendships and relationships were all with women. I didn’t really have any enduring male relationships. So having to show up week after week after week sitting in a room with a group of men, uh, there was, there’s something nutritional in that for me that I didn’t even know I was deficient in.

Angela (07:35):
I’ve noticed recently that, I mean, your message is one that I’m just going to tell you this, you make me a little bit nervous sometimes. And having said that, I will tell you, I have the utmost respect for you and agree with you 99% of the time. And if you have a slide deck of 10 slides, I’m going yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes.

Brendan (08:01):
Tell me more about that. I’d love to hear what, what makes you nervous?

Angela (08:03):
I thought we could maybe just for fun, go through one of your slide deck. Sure. And also, I will say that when I’m going, when I’m preparing for one of these interviews, I go through someone’s Instagram and I might go down pretty far and I’m just kind of gleaning and getting a sense of who they are and on your, by your fourth post, I was like, okay, we’re going to run out of time. That’s too much. You have a lot of really rich content. Let’s just start with the last post that you had. Okay. You said men are built, not born. And I’m like, yeah, I totally agree with that. And then the next slide says, self-worth for men is always going to be related to what a man is capable of doing pop culture can cry all they want about how toxic that is. But it’s just a fact, I’m like, that’s right. That’s right.

Angela (08:58):
You said, removing a bar for men to strive for, because it was mean to people who couldn’t measure up is peak mommy culture. Okay. Yeah. I agree with that. But you see, like I’m getting more and more uncomfortable. I’m like, where’s this going? You know, okay. Being a man will always be more about conquering overcoming, acquiring building and developing than it will be about just loving yourself. And there I’m like, well, Brendan, you know what I mean? So, yes, I totally totally agree with that. Men find greater levels of self-worth through becoming more, not from repeating silly mantras about how much they love and accept themselves. And so, okay. I’ll just stop and comment on those last two slides. I think that I look at you as someone who embodies a lot of great father energy and I’m someone who I’m in this space as a representation of the great mother and we have to have that dance, you know? And so I’m really, I think one thing that’s so important in relationship, and to me, this is in your own heart, your relationships with women and your relationship with culture and society is you have to be open to that, that feminine influence the thing that scares me about trad men and the trad men movement is like, I’m the boss and you’re the little lady. So I don’t know if you… Does that bring up anything for you when I say that?

Brendan (10:34):
Yeah, definitely. I mean, I think…so. So it sounds like maybe there’s some question or objection, and this is very common with the whole men lead women follow dynamic. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it doesn’t, it doesn’t mean that women are diminished in that role. Right. I think when a man is really leading in an empowered way, the woman feels uplifted, respected, honored, cherished, loved, supported, seen, heard, felt. And if that’s not the case then is that even leadership or is that being a tyrant, right? Or is that just being an oppressive force in the woman’s life? There’s a lot of, there’s a lot of nuance too. It’s not, it’s not just so black and white, you know, men lead women follow it’s. It’s a really simple statement and it kind of summarizes part of my belief, but there’s a lot of, there’s a lot of gray and there is a lot of nuance to it, for sure.

Brendan (11:31):
We’re also in a bit of a rediscovery phase around what that means because, um, I think that my generation I’m 28, we’re realizing that there was something in traditionalism that we lost, like that the way that things were back in the 1950s, there was some real wisdom to how we were living. Then I feel like people were closer to their biological truth. Men were more like men, women were more like women and they co-existed more together. Yes. There was a shadow side to it as well. But I think that we’ve lost something in this whole progressive movement. So we’re kind of sorting out, like, what do we, what do we take forward with us and where are we at now?

Angela (12:15):
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. You said that, um, I feel the same way and the fact that you’re 28 years old, just, I mean, that just really blows me away. You try really hard to keep things balanced and you’re checking men a lot too

Brendan (12:30):
Calibrated is the word that I like to use. Um,

Angela (12:33):
That’s I love that word. That’s really,

Brendan (12:36):
That’s really a major goal in my content is, um, I think that in the, in the masculinity movement, in the pro masculine space, there is, it’s almost like exclusively masculine energy. It’s very raw, raw primal. There’s all these, these memes that are just, it’s like, hyper-masculinity really masculinity on steroids and that’s cool. Like there’s a place for that. I appreciate that. I, I, I could use more of that energy in my own life, but I think being able to speak to men in a way that women can get behind is really something that I’m trying to do. And I’m also, I’m really trying to include the feminine in my messaging and really dish…if I’m going to dish it out and say, if I’m going to call men out, I’m also going to call women out. And if I’m going to celebrate men, I’m also going to celebrate women. And I’m really trying to bring balance and bring that like speak hard truth, but also follow it up with the nuance and explain what I mean when I say men are built, not born, for example.

Angela (13:42):
Yeah. And I totally agree with that. Just like the other day you wrote something about women, not mothering men. I made a comment about if they don’t want to be mothered than they should not like they, they need one.

Brendan (14:00):
So yeah, it’s very, it’s very much dual-sided, it’s honestly, I find it difficult when, when women come to me individually and they say it’s very common for me to get the, the comment that my man is being extremely passive. I want him to lead. How do I get him to do it? That’s to me, that’s a very difficult question because I feel like a lot of, a lot of times he’s not, he’s not showing up in a way that’s trustworthy and safe for the woman. So what advice can you really offer? I mean, surrender more, open, more, uh, be more patient, be more loving. I, at some, I really liked to work with men because it’s like, Hey, you need to step up and take the lead here. So she feels safe enough to let go.

Angela (14:46):
That’s such a good point because the way I look at it, like a swimming pool, a swimming pool is beautiful. It’s, it’s useful, it’s helpful and it’s enjoyable. But if you put too much chemical in it, it’s, it’s unhealthy for people. And if you don’t put enough chemical in it, it’s also unhealthy. And so a lot of times I feel like when I’m working with men, sometimes they’re unbalanced one way or the other, and it leads to a toxic situation. And so what you were just explaining, it might be somebody who, and the swimming pool analogy has too little and their environment is making people ill, you know, coming back into balance, taking on more of the mature masculine characteristics. Does that make sense?

Brendan (15:38):
Absolutely. Makes sense. Yeah. And I think right now, I think that there’s a, the pendulum has swung too far, right. Where you had in the 1950s, you had really strong, true, like traditionally masculine guys that were to a large degree, they were cut off from their emotions. They were cut off spiritually. They’re cut off just from their bodies and kind of like robotic. And then you went into this like 1960s, 1970s kind of hippy new age, man. That was much more spiritually and emotionally in touch, but almost like castrated or cut off from his masculine power. And so now we have a generation that was raised by sort of hippy hippy-ish parents. So my, my content w why it’s kind of got a bit of a hard line to it is because I feel like we need to swing back a little bit to the other side. We have guys that are very soft, overly feminine, not really in touch with their masculinity. So I think that there’s a, there’s a bit of a correction that’s happening

Angela (16:33):
Right now. Yeah. Would you agree or disagree that it’s, it’s kind of swinging over? I think that’s the part that makes me nervous about the like trad men movement, because I think I’m old enough to remember and have lived through some of that where women were second class citizens.

Brendan (16:54):
Yeah. I think, I think, um, it’s a bit of a reinvention. I do think that it’s swinging over, but I also think that there’s like, there’s a bit of a correction with it as well. Like okay, what were the best parts of it and what were the worst parts of it and how do we take the best and the worst? Because I think that we kind of threw the baby out with the bath water. We left some things behind that. Perhaps we need like women…so I have, you know, 28,000 followers on Instagram and 40% of them are women. I think that, that, that really says a lot that women seem to be hungry and looking for strong masculine men, strong masculine leadership, and they’re frustrated because they can’t find it.

Angela (17:31):
Yeah. I agree with that. For me, just as a witness to the feminine would say to men just don’t, don’t give up and don’t get discouraged by, by people who are critical of you. And I would hope that of being against something like against feminist, they are going to plant their flag and before something, because that’s a really generative force that people are drawn to like, give me an option, give me an alternative. And back to that Lord of the earth, I feel like that’s a man’s job is to create an environment, create a way of life. A lot of men don’t want to hear this, but I feel like the women will, will follow, like they create the demand for these virtuous traditional women. And it’s irresistible in a way. Yeah. I completely agree with that. I’m super excited about a hopeful message for, for like my sons and for other men who feel so discouraged and angry. You had another, uh, deck here that kind of goes along with what we’re saying, and it was the feminine not feminist. Right. And you said a strong masculine man has the power to help a willing woman deconstruct her feminist mindset and get back in touch with her femininity.

Brendan (18:58):
Yeah absolutely. I mean, that was, that was the case of my, with my current partner. And I I’ve had that reported to me very frequently from female followers that prior to meeting their husband, they were really mired in, uh, pretty radical feminist views. And just through time and exposure from being around their husband, that started to fall away just naturally. So I really, I really do believe that when a man is really in his masculine, he knows who he is, where he’s going and what he will fight for in life. It really gives women an alternative it gives women, uh, a path forward that’s that becomes really clear and compelling. So I do believe that men have that, that power and effect.

Angela (19:44):
I mean, that’s such an empowering message for men who’ve taken like that alternate route of just being bitter and angry. Sometimes it’s hard to hear that, like you’re telling me that almost like someone who’s come from an abusive childhood, it’s not your fault, but it’s your responsibility to heal.

Brendan (20:03):
Yeah. That’s a huge part of my message is that it’s not your fault what happened, but it is your responsibility and sort of globally or culturally where that’s the place that we’re at right now is that I think men, men are in a fallen state. They’re very lost, confused, angry, hurt all these, all these things. And, and also quite emasculated and women are in a fallen state as well. Like it or not. Here we are. And it’s really about picking up the pieces and figuring out how to move forward

Angela (20:32):
And being willing to come to the table and understand both sides, have the understanding that there are people on the other side who have shared values. There are men who want the same thing that you want. There are women who want the same that you want, and in seeking to become that ideal version of yourself, you’re going to attract those people.

Brendan (20:55):
Yeah, I agree. I also think that the level of polarization right now, between, between sides, whether it’s political, I mean, I think political is like easiest way to really describe it, but just, just on any current issue, the level of polarization is so intense that it seems to be almost becoming irreparable in some ways where there’s such, there’s such a small amount of overlap between sides. That it’s almost like the communication is continuing to break down further. I don’t feel like we’re getting closer, direct defying the differences we’re still drifting further away. It seems

Angela (21:30):
I would agree with that as far as if you zoom out on the cultural level, but I mean, to your point, you said your current partner, like you found someone who resounds with your message to the point that they’re willing to trust you enough to kind of change their mindset. That’s pretty powerful. Yeah, definitely. You say most women are willing to follow a man who knows where he is going. Don’t expect her to just get it, paint a picture for her that she can see herself in. I think that a lot of people, male and female are looking for someone to redeem them from their miserable life. And almost what you’re saying here is, you know, you grow and develop and do what you need to do and invite them to join you in your happy life, as opposed to looking at them, to help you overcome your miserable life.

Brendan (22:24):
That’s very well said. And I think redemption is definitely a big part of my message as well, because like I said, we’re, we’re in a, we’re in a fallen state, men and women. I think that there’s just not many, there’s not many answers. There’s not many people saying, Hey, like this, this is a way forward. And reclamation revival restoration is possible. That’s my own background personally. I, I was raised with a single mother in a, in a broken home. It was quite an abusive environment. And I spent most of my twenties living polar opposite to the things that you see on my page. Yet here I am. Right. And a lot of people are walking similar paths right now where we’re figuring out through experience that the modern path. Isn’t a great one.

Angela (23:08):
I love that theme of redemption and restoration. I mean, that’s, it’s so inviting, like who wouldn’t choose that over being angry and bitter their whole life. It’s such a hopeful message.

Brendan (23:22):
Yeah. And it’s the anger, the anger and the bitterness is on both sides, right? It’s with it’s with women, women are pointing and blaming men and saying, it’s your fault. And then men are saying, no, it’s your fault. And it’s just back and forth. Yo-yoing and it’s just, it’s just not productive. And a lot of the, some of the men’s movement, it it’s the exact same thing as radical feminism.

Angela (23:45):
Yeah. Definitely. One of the last slides in this deck is the modern feminist is at war with herself, feminist in the mind and feminine in the body, two competing narratives clash for her attention. I thought that was really interesting.

Brendan (24:02):
Yeah. That’s, it’s something that I see all the time. It’s women that come onto the page, which isn’t super frequently, surprisingly, that are very upset with me. And it’s almost like they’re having, it’s not a logical or rational response to the content. It’s a very visceral one. So I really question often, like where is that coming from? And I think I do often feel that women adopt these feminist views and it becomes a mindset and a way of being and underneath that is a feminine core. That’s never really been fully realized or expressed.

Angela (24:33):
Yeah. Yeah. I would say for any men who might be listening from an older woman as a therapist and in my own personal experience, I do think that men need to take some responsibility for providing the environment in which femininity can thrive. There’s a story by, I think it Shel Silverstein and this tree, you know, keeps giving a limb or a branch or a trunk. And at the very end of the book, the tree is just a stump. It’s supposed to be some great story about love, but it was also for me, always the tree didn’t set boundaries and destroyed itself. And I think women do that sometimes. And I think men in a loving relationship can notice that and say, Hey, you know, direct the woman to rejuvenate, replenish, restore. And then that soft, girly girl that you’re looking for can, can kind of thrive. We just get so busy, we get in a situation of not taking care of ourself, the way that we should.

Brendan (25:38):
Yeah. And I think maternal, maternal energy is, can be really intoxicating for men as well. It’s, it’s just so comforting and healing and it feels amazing. And it’s really easy for men to fall into that pattern where you’re treating your partner more like your mother than your lover. Yeah.

Angela (25:57):
Allowing her to be that to you.

Brendan (26:00):
Yeah. Allow allowing her to be that. And I think, yeah, and it’s, it’s very, obviously it’s second nature for women as well. Right. Being maternal it’s, it’s just so natural. And when a man is hurting or struggling or suffering, or can’t figure something out, it’s tempting to want to be there to swoop in and give him the answer or try to try to help them any way that you can. And it’s happening as a man, especially with so many men being isolated and in the whole Lone Wolf syndrome, when they don’t have any male friends to turn to the only person that’s there, which is their partner. That can be a really difficult dynamic for a couple, especially over the longterm.

Angela (26:35):
Yeah. I agree. I do think though, that in a healthy partnership where a man understands what it means to maintain his masculine frame, I do think that it can be part of that healthy relationship to, to ask for that sometimes like, I just need to be held or can I share something with you? But to your point, if you get in a habit of it can get off balance. And when you start to see your wife as a mother, or she starts to see you as someone she has to mother, it really interferes with the passion and the sexuality element.

Brendan (27:10):
As long as there’s boundaries and awareness around the fact that it’s so easy to slip into that dynamic, then I think it’s fine to, to receive that kind of support from your partner once in a while. But if it’s something that you are just developing, like a reflex, like you can’t help yourself and you just keep finding yourself, going to her in that way. Yeah. That definitely has a corrosive effect on a relationship over time.

Angela (27:30):
I agree. One of your post was on, I just maybe wanted to close with this because I think it’s such an important issue just to get your thoughts about it. You said there’s no such thing as casual sex overall in our society. People are so lonesome and isolated and they’re turning to the easy answer of online porn and then even people who are married, so many of them are tragically in sexless marriages. So I think a lot of people are really frustrated about that. And I just didn’t know, I guess, what was your point about that? What is, there’s no such thing as casual sex sex till marriage or sex and committed relationship

Brendan (28:13):
To, to really get specific about it. I think that’s really up to the couple, like if it’s to marriage or until you feel love, trust safety, but I wrote that because so a lot of my posts I’m really speaking to myself because I, I, you know, I grew up in a generation where, you know, I found, I found high speed internet porn at 12 years old, maybe even earlier and develop some bad, some bad habits in regards to my sexual energy. As a result, I got out into the world as a young man with this, with the sexual energy that I was wielding irresponsibly. You know, I, I think most of us, almost everybody that I know my age we’ve, we’ve done things in our past sexually that we regret. We’ve been too liberal with our, with our sexual energy. We’ve had sex with people that maybe we wouldn’t have if we could take it back. And often we don’t realize until later that it had a, it had a consequence, it had an effect. That seems to especially be true for women being the receiver in the sexual energy dynamic. So I wrote it for that reason that again, that there’s, there’s redemption possible that, you know, we’ve all, we’ve all stumbled in regards to our sexuality, sexuality, and our sexual energy, you know, that maybe we, maybe there’s some wisdom in how things were before that we should reconsider that being conservative sexually may actually be a good thing.

Angela (29:31):
Don’t just go along with the free love and sex just because it’s, it’s okay with the world, consider what your boundaries are and…

Brendan (29:39):
Yeah, and just there’s restoration and not in that regard, hugely like, look at, look at what’s going on with, you know, women that are aspiring to be Instagram models when they’re teenagers or YouTube influencers or only fan stars. Yes. It’s yeah. It’s incredibly damaging and toxic. And at the time, you know, it doesn’t, it feels good. So it can’t be that bad, right. Easy way to make money and yeah, and you get to an older age and you start to look back and you’re like, wow, I really damaged myself. And now, now I want something real and something authentic. And I’ve spent all this time living the opposite. How do I do that? And now there’s all this wounding and damage we’ll have to work through, you know, if I could help a young person not go through that, that would be, that would be incredible.

Angela (30:24):
Yeah. I love your message of again, restoration and redemption. That is something where we don’t hear about most people aren’t even admitting that it’s necessary or needed, but so many people are hurting in that way.

Brendan (30:36):
Well, I think we’ve just lost, completely lost touch with what it means to be a man or what it means to be a woman or what masculinity is or what femininity is. It’s just something that nobody even thinks about it anymore. It’s, it’s all been lost in this pursuit of equality and treating everybody like they’re the same. Um, it’s it just does such a great dishonor to, to men and women that you actually, I feel like you actually celebrate men and women by honoring and recognizing differences, not by just treating them like they’re the same.

Angela (31:05):
Yeah. I agree. It goes back to that, that dance, the allowing the, allowing the man to lead, allowing the woman to be feminine and it can be a really beautiful thing.

Brendan (31:16):
Yeah. And it takes, it takes a lot of learning and, and deprogramming really to, to get there nowadays. I mean, it’s definitely not been second nature for me. I don’t know. I don’t know about you

Angela (31:26):
A lifetime of work and overcoming wounds and, and reading and consulting and following people like you and learning. The last thing I’d like to say is, you know, because we did mention the people in sexless marriage, whether it’s, uh, for a single guy who may not have that much experience, or whether it’s a married man, who’s not fulfilled in his marriage. If I’m working with a man, the suggestion I have is to continue to pursue that mature masculine and as you embody those masculine traits, a lot of times the energy shifts. What do you feel about that?

Brendan (32:07):
That’s 100% what I feel as well. I feel like often the sexless marriage is a by-product of depolarization. So the man and the woman becoming more and more the same just through spending so much time together. So maybe she’s adopting some masculine traits and behaviors, and then he’s adopting some feminine traits and behaviors. And then as a result, there’s no attraction because obviously they say opposites attract, right. When I work with couples and my work has always oriented towards men, embracing and reclaiming their masculinity, getting reconnected to it and moving in that direction and for the woman to move in the opposite. It’s amazing how fast things can shift sexually when a man is consciously pursuing, growing his masculinity and a woman is doing the same with her femininity. Yeah.

Angela (32:55):
It’s an energy thing. And when people become roommates or BFFs in a marriage, you don’t have that passion that you need to, to sustain the sexuality part of it.

Brendan (33:09):
Yeah and you, you kind of need to make the choice around, like, what do you want your husband or wife to be in your life? Like what, what kind of force do you want them to be? And it’s, it’s one of those things where it’s really tempting to, to fall into that roommate type dynamic, where you’re just super comfortable and cozy together all the time. And I think, of course, you’re going to have that an element of that in your, in your marriage. But, um, there’s a cost from like falling into that too deeply, where you start to lose that attraction. And it’s something that you don’t even really notice until more and more time passes. And then you’re like, oh wow, we haven’t had sex for six months or a year.

Angela (33:42):
It slowly erodes. Right. Sometimes it’s choosing like just the easy route, like Netflix over the effort of, of having an intimate encounter.

Brendan (33:52):
Yeah and I see this all the time with, with men where they stopped pursuing their wives and the wife is sitting there being like, where’s the, where’s the man that I married because he just kind of falls into these routines where he’s just going, going through the motions and not really pursuing her. And she can feel it

Angela (34:13):
If you’ve get on the side of like too much lover energy, you’re always trying to satisfy yourself outside of yourself. But I think what happens to a lot of like married men or older men is they get too low and the concerns of the world start to overwhelm and they forget to cultivate that lover energy, that indulgence and that passion, and just becoming aware of it and starting to work toward it, like you said, can shift very quickly. Yeah, exactly. I really appreciate you joining me today. I’m a huge fan of your work and congratulations on your growth. I think that just says how much it’s really needed out there.

Brendan (34:55):
Thank you. Yeah. Thank you, Angela. I really appreciate that. And it’s been great chatting with you.

Angela (34:59):
Can you tell people how they can get in touch with you if they’d like to follow you?

Brendan (35:04):
Yeah so everything that I’m doing is on Instagram at the moment. So it’s at masculine revival, um, or you can check out

Angela (35:11):
Okay. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you.